Outdoor Sex, In Fact…Sex Anywhere Other Than Bed.

A few people have requested a post about fucking outdoors and finally, I am ready to oblige, although I’m thinking it won’t be in the positive sexy light they were hoping for.

Yes, I have had sex pretty much everywhere over the years with various people. It started with my first boyfriend at the age of 15. Unable to venture upstairs with him under my mother’s room (she predicted my slutty side) we had to make do with everywhere else. The first time he fingered me was our local park, which became a regular location, sometimes for sex also, so I guess the bar was lowly set early on. We fucked in alleyways, his parents sofa, woodlands, stood against the side of my house and next to a gravestone in the local cemetery. Even getting caught once by a neighbour, in our not so hidden spot of leaning against the garage door at the end of my short driveway where the streetlight directly shone. She even told my mum; the plus side of this revelation was suddenly teenage scumbag (who I was only in love with to piss my parents off) was now allowed into my bedroom to avoid more neighbourhood shame.

Family (emotional) Annihilation

How to work out your therapy/neurosis on powerpoint aka how to waste a day.

I’m currently super annoyed with my family for various reasons , that you may have seen me moaning about on Twitter. All out mayhem and war is brewing. I’m delaying my inevitable ‘going psycho’ by doodling out anxiety. My family is going fucking down. I have enough emotional ammunition to wipe all of them out and make their Christmas miserable.

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Not Female Friendly

Social networking is very much doing my head in.  I won’t be ostracised from public group conversations due to your wife’s/girlfriend’s insecurities.

My username for Twitter @CuntyChopalops I feel, is a pretty clear guide to the kind of content you will find in my tweets. It’s predominantly silly but with a fair bit of sexual content. I like talking about sex. I like having sex then telling people about  it. I like complaining when I am not having sex. I like talking about other people’s sex life. I like talking about stuff I like, stuff I don’t like, stuff other’s like and erm just anything sex based really.

Stranger Danger

I’ve got a feeling this post will be a long one and I haven’t really written in ages. There are things I need to say. Things that I have been pondering the last few days and this post took a week to write.

You’re back. Aren’t you? I’m not sure what’s going on. Always, I’ve suspected that you’ve been lurking and watching. Talking to me through social networking under another guise. But you’ve announced your arrival and put me straight on another roller-coaster.

Some people in my life are aware of you but they maybe don’t know the full story. Embarrassment prevented me from sharing most of the details, so when I needed support by the end, others didn’t quite understand the depths of my distress.

But for those that don’t know who ‘Charlie’ is, I’ll treat you to a little background.

Bad Parenting #1

Daughter 2: Can I watch Saw?

Me: No.

Daughter 2: Why not?

Me: Because you’re 10.

Daughter 2: So. People at school have watched it.

Me: I don’t care.

Daughter 2: But you let me watch 18s!

Me: You’ve watched one 18 and I fast-forward through the bad bits.

Daughter 2: No you don’t.

Me: Yes I do.

Daughter 2: But why can’t I watch Saw?

Lana Del Disappointment

It’s that time of year again when the music snobs/purists burst a few blood vessels and take a few stress related sick days from work as The X Factor carnival rolls in to town. Although I don’t mind a bit of pop now and then, I prefer to keep my music and television viewing separate. Unable to select a radio station that isn’t playing The Wanted or JLS imagine my delight when Daughter 2 (aged 10) and I heard Lana Del Ray – Video Games for the first time as we drove back home one evening a few weeks ago.

Now Daughter 2 is an avid music fan.  Of course she loves songs and artists that I wouldn’t give the time of day to but she also knows the lyrics off by heart to every Jeff Buckley song.  In fact, she knows the lyrics to most songs. Daughter 2 has the ability to hear a song once and remember every line. She can also hear a snippet of song and tell you the title, artist, it’s chart position and a morsel of celebrity gossip associated.  She has a brilliant balance of old and new. Her mostly played tracks on her iPod are an eclectic delight.