Making Money – The Perverse Way?

Partly out of jest, with some morbid curiosity and the hope of earning much money, I advertised my surplus breast milk as a purchasable service on the internet.

It’s not as deranged as you initially think and there are currently lots of articles about breast milk being sold for fetish purposes, for health and beauty. People are buying it for £1-2 per fluid ounces.

Most of the past few months have been spent thinking how to make some extra money that doesn’t require me leaving the house, arranging childcare, prostituting or stuffing envelopes, and I’m betting, if someone offered you a fiver for a couple of millilitres of your saliva in a jar, you’d be game. Making money from excess bodily fluids could be controversial, but folk sell hair and nail for extensions and that doesn’t seem receive much mockery.

Mentioning it to my husband to see if he thought it too ick and bizarre, I thought I could at least test the theory, post a couple of ads and see if it generated any interest. I wouldn’t have to go through with it.

So I delved head first into the world of breast milk fetish to research potential customers.

Original Advert posted on fetish sites, woman’s health sites and classifieds…

I’m a lactating female who is NOT interested in an ANR (adult nursing relationship) but can provide a supply service of surplus breast milk in the north-west UK.

Can be used for beauty/health/fetish purposes. For more information please contact

Let me clarify at this point…

What every floats your funky boat, I’m okay with. As long as it is consensual and legal… yada yada yada.

I don’t particularly judge or even care, what your “thing” is, however bizarre the fetish, it’s yours. Just don’t ask me to lick your eyeball or worship your feet. I have my little quirks as do we all. Any mocking during this post is done with the knowledge, that I will happily ridicule anyone. Also, I would like to point out that my research was minimal and my understanding of this fetish is vague. Don’t misinterpret me as an expert.

The first group are the non-sexual group (I think). These are involved in Adult Nursing relationships and usually share the breast milk of a partner that

a) Is already lactating because of having a child or

b) Has managed to teach/trick them to lactate without having a child.

From what I could gather, it’s a form of intimacy and bonding and wouldn’t require a stranger’s milk. Therefore it was a pointless avenue to investigate.

The second group are the stereotypical breast milk freaks. If I asked you to conjure the image of adult babies, you would be correct in visualising a sweaty balding 50 years old in diapers sucking on a giant dummy.  These make me feel slightly squeamish if I’m honest. Many adds can be found typed phonetically as if posted by a child, begging for a new mummy or daddy. I physically shudder reading some, but these would be the people that would require donor milk. Could I face meeting in a Tesco car park carrying a pouch of frozen milk with one of these fruit-loops, like a pervy drug deal, to exchange for money?

I received the following responses…

Bob: Hi got your add from human topix, im looking for some FRESH milk as a medicine ?? can we chat latter so i can tell you all about it ?? Many thanks Bob

Me: (panicking in case he means can I have your phone number to chat)… Hi Bob,

What information do you need? Whereabouts are you? You would have to be close for fresh rather than frozen milk and how much do you require? Thanks.

Bob: Hi and thanks so much for your reply ! iv got a skin condition called psoriasis, i started showing signes of this 4 years ago  and after every lotion possible i was sent for light treatment a hospital type (sun bed ) it worked until i got what is called the puva itch, so no more light treatment , The only thing that may help is fresh breast milk , as it is the immune system thats gone mad if you like ,and breast milk contains some thing to do with the immune system .I can show you pics to prove my position ? im at a loss what to do next ? I live in Essex , and would need it twice a day i would think ! any ideas ?? Many thanks Bob

Me: Hi, Just had a brief look on the net about breast milk treating Psoriasis and it seems common, couldn’t find out how much milk you would need to drink but you need to think of other factors too. Breast milk isn’t pasteurised and you can pass on infections such as STI’s through it. I’ve just had a baby though and was fully tested routinely for all STIs. Are you aware that you can buy tablets with a breast milk extract for Psoriasis? It might be expensive but depending on the amount of milk you need, you may need several donors. Also you have to consider the cost. I have found adverts ranging from £1 – £2 per fluid ounce, that’s pretty expensive for daily use, more expensive than tablets. Thanks

Think I just talked myself out of a sale. Also,  I can find out about extract tablets within minutes of searching, surely Bob would have been able to? Maybe the Psoriasis was a cover story for funky shit? Bob was also willing to drive up north from Essex. Is breast milk such an elusive commodity? My breath started to quicken at this point. I could make millions (of pence) I could set up a website putting milk donors in touch with perverts and take commission. All the yummy-mummy’s who want some extra cash to buy organic seeds for their veggie patches, whilst on maternity leave, could get involved. I could be a boob pimp! It was a winner!

The next response seems to come from one of the “adult in diaper” group.

Joseph: Hi, Saw you add on Juniors friend finder. I’m just wondering what your rates are? Thanks

Me: Hi, How much were you after. It’s usually £1-2 per fluid ounce depending on how much you purchase. Sold in packs of 4 fl oz

Joseph: I was looking for 1-2 litres per week.

Could be a little earner but don’t think my body could handle that. What does he want if for? Bathing?

Before I conclude my little stroll into infantilism I shall assure you, my husband and myself that I will not be expressing milk to be sold to another for consumption during sexual role-play or to be slathered over another’s scabby skin. The decision came after the final email. I leave you with this treat, the interaction that resulted in the end of my journey. If true, I couldn’t be a part of it as I found it heart-breaking, if false, this is not the kind of person I want to be within 10 feet of whilst lactating. It’s with a hint of sadness and more than a little alarm that I shall introduce you to Mark.

Mark: can you help me find a mum or dad?

Me: I’m NOT interested in an ANR or anything like that. Purely offering milk supply service.

Mark: if i find one will you supply mymilk

Me: Okay (At this point I’m already feeling the fear and know that this is no longer a world I want to be part of.)

Mark: if send you my advert can you edit it to find a mum or dad (I at this point think it could be entertaining, plus, I like editing other people’s work, I feel like a primary school teacher. If I was a primary school teacher, I would be red-pen happy.)

Me: Go for it!

Mark: here is my advert

My name is Mark and I was brought up I n the county of Essex in the U.K, I am physically disabled with left hemiplegia and as you can see from my gallery I am a wheelchair user. I also have a slight speech impediment. The reason that I am in a wheelchair is that I had pneumonia when I was 6 weeks old and one of my lungs collapsed. My disability is called Cerebral Palsy. A few years ago I found out I had high cholesterol and since then I have to take Simvastatin and pills for cramp.

I am a cross between an AB (Adult Baby) and a DL (Diaper Lover) however I like to use the terminology of LG (Little Girl). I enjoy and enjoyed wearing nappies like a little girl and love being babied by my Mummy or Daddy.

I hope you do not think of me as odd that I liked being a little girl. I think girls wear nicer clothes but if you prefer I can be a little boy.

I created this site so that I can find a new full time Mummy and or Daddy as the one I used to see died. You can read about her on the About Mummy Page.om my web site xxxxxxx

I would like to be introduced to LG’s and Daddies and Mummies from around the world,

My family does not know about this and I do not want them to. After you have read this you may tell me you are not prepared to help me. I will be most upset but I will understand. I hope you want me still.

I want to move away from my family for personal reasons. I must admit I would have liked to be your daughter but being your son is fine.

If you can help with the below it will be fantastic or find someone who can.

I want to vanish and be your child forever. But I will need a new ID and someone to pay for my travel and come and get me. I am very serious about this I have constructed a web site and am willing to build a fresh one if you agree to the above.

As I have said I am very serious about this. If you think you can not help I will be upset but understand but I want you, if you say yes tell me my new name.

Mark: have you had a chance to look at my things I sent

Mark: why are you not answering

Mark: please help

Commence the vision of a wheelchair-bound Mark, in a frenzy, trying to attach himself to my bosoms in a multi-storey car park or motorway services, as I try to beat him back after unsuccessfully trying to get £20 off him for a plastic bag filled with body product.

Going back to my call centre job seems suddenly appealing.

About cuntychoppalops

Blunder cunt - An old school definition meaning one who takes a long time to accomplish an objective due to an easily distracted mind.
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5 Responses to Making Money – The Perverse Way?

  1. RichardAtUCT says:

    It scares me that there are people out there that find Breast Milk a sexual thing!
    I think you did exactly the right thing by deciding to run VERY far away from all of that!

    Though the price does make it seen like a lucrative trade to go into! 😀

  2. Allie. says:

    My God. I just left a big ol’ message but ended up deleting it. ANYWAY, the feel was: to each their own apart from the LG girl. LG lovers are basically paedophiles. I studied law and the psychology of child abusers and LG is quite a specific acronym. As fair as I’m aware, adult fans of age-play don’t even use it, it’s quite the key word. I’d keep an eye out for him.

    • I think Mark wants to be considered as or treated as, a little girl,rather than searching out a “little girl”. Mooching through the infantilism websites they refer to LG a fair amount. I’ve spoken to people and read a fair bit on age play also and have heard that mentioned. I know age-play, is about as quirky as it gets and SHOULDN’T be thought of as related to paedophilia. Like I said, I’m far from an expert in any of these practices, nor have I partaken, but any which way, there is no way I would be wanting to encounter Mark, in any scenario.

  3. Just been reading 3 or 4 of your blog post and am amused by your anarchic attitude. However, as the mother of a baby born at 29 weeks who struggled to provide breast milk for him, I think you’d be better off sending your excess to a BM bank for your local SCBU rather than providing for odd balls like this!! Each to their own!

    • You’ve incorrectly assumed I haven’t done the whole donation thing, which I happily took part in when hospitalised with my own newborn. The fantasy behind the idea being I could stay home breastfeeding my baby, making sufficient funds and not requiring childcare, rather than returning early from maternity leave, just due to financial constraints. Like I said…jest. I al loving that you describe me as having an “anarchic attitude”

      def: an·ar·chic (n-ärkk) or an·ar·chi·cal (-k-kl)
      adj.
      1.
      a. Of, like, or supporting anarchy: anarchic oratory.b. Likely to produce or result in anarchy.
      2. Lacking order or control:

      I have never considered my opinions anarchic, perhaps they do lack order or control? Or maybe, they are just different to yours?

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