I Shit On CyberMummy.

Scores of Twitter mums descended on a hotel in London for a “conference” on Mummy blogging last weekend. How do I know this if I didn’t attend? Because it’s ALL they constantly tweet about. They tweeted about the anticipation before the event; they tweeted during the day, to each other when it transpires they were seated next to each other, then afterwards in the hotel rooms. We heard about their arrival home, they share with us the details of their goody bags, the concession stands, the new people they met and the new things they learnt to send their blog into celeb-dom? Not only their tweets, we also get to share their photos and the subsequent blog posts by the millions.

Firstly, I have no issue with being a mummy or discussing with other mummies what it’s like to be a mummy.

Secondly, I’m a friend of blogging. It is for me, a release for unhappiness or concern, a record of my emotions during events in my life, that I may forget or just to share kooky things with anyone that may be bored enough to bother reading.

I do NOT rate my ability to write or convey what I intend. The post in my head is never what appears on screen. Numbers are my “thang” I’m a mathematician and have always struggled with writing or analysing the written work of others. My only success with words academically, was a full scoring essay on digestion for A Level Biology. I could memorise and regurgitate (check out my joke) a factual flowchart. It’s hardly a creative marvel.

I do NOT expect other people to care for my views, to be interested in anything I have to say or to understand my ramblings, which at best, just about make sense to me. Blogging is a hobby, something to keep my mind slightly active on my maternity leave.

Even though my significant other knows how much I enjoy blogging, if I told him I was off London for the weekend, leaving him with the tribe because I had spent £100 on entrance to a blogging convention, he would think I’d gone slightly nutty.

I could be wrong but my understanding of these mummy bloggers is they hope to earn money from reviewing products? Maybe it’s just to earn respect from their mummy community by writing accounts of what wonderful parents they are? Maybe they like the idea of becoming a “writer” as so many on Twitter seem to classify themselves as?

I read many of these parenting blogs and although occasionally, some are endearing and heartfelt, they are mostly fake. I’m not suggesting the story itself is untrue, but I’m suggesting the front of the wholesome perfect parenting is. It’s like a new breed of Stepford wives. Even when they talk of difficulties within their relationships, it’s always done from an angle of being such a super-duper mum with an ungrateful neglectful spouse, that doesn’t appreciate how much energy they put into their organic fed, offspring.

They read the parenting books, eat and grow organic vegetables, make love solely to conceive and yap on about breastfeeding in public. They put the average mums to shame.

Everything about their posts are twee and naive, they either have lead and continue to do so, a sheltered wholesome life, or are bare faced lying to fit into the clique. When did the mummies become the new version of the high-school bitch?

Perhaps rather than waste money on a mummy-blog convention where they sat tweeting the person sat at the same table, they should have spent the money and used the babysitter on a decent well deserved night out? I would rather see the pictures of a tipsy mum, slumped in the pub with a flushed complexion, giddy from her white-wine spritzer, maybe an arm flung around her partner or sat amongst her female friends, than photo after photo of a group of strangers, bonded over their freebie babywipes.

Maybe if they put more thought, effort and time into their relationships and sex-lives than a Huggies nappy review, they wouldn’t feel the need to be online so much. Perhaps they should live their life rather than blog about their lack of it? And here is the craziest thought of all…instead of typing about your child, switch off the notebook and spend time with them?

Behind each mummy façade, the boredom and dissatisfaction seeps through.

Maybe I just come across in this post as bitter or jealously outside of the clique? Maybe I like to use my social networking as escapism rather than having to read constantly about children or maybe this new breed make me feel inadequate as a mother? I haven’t yet deciphered my feelings but I know I feel incredibly irked.

The Mommy Blogger Backlash by Eric Matas

“Now mommy blogging is under fire. A mommy blogger’s son recently died, and the story seems to be that she was busy on Twitter all day instead of preventing her son from falling into the pool. “

About cuntychoppalops

Blunder cunt - An old school definition meaning one who takes a long time to accomplish an objective due to an easily distracted mind.
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14 Responses to I Shit On CyberMummy.

  1. lol – yep, i rapidly tire of those who whine about their inadequate partners – if he’s that bad, why did you marry/cohabit, and why (in the name of all that’s holy) are you squelching out babies?

    So true 🙂 “Behind each mummy façade, the boredom and dissatisfaction seeps through.”

  2. Laura says:

    I think you have a valid point! And yes there will be backlash! I myself know I spend far too much time on twitter – mostly at work though (shh) but I do prefer to read self-depreciating posts/bloggs than ones written by super mums with perfect lives (we all know why we are here!) x

    • I have no issue with people spending time online, I think it keeps me sane? Sometimes the only contact I can have with another adult all day is via social networking, I’m not criticising anybody’s use of the internet, but please don’t fuss on about how wonderful you are all day long. At least use it for a laugh rather than posting recipes.

  3. I was going to leave you a comment but I think my son is in danger of falling down the stairs while I type this.

  4. I’m an inadequate partner (I expect a virtual stoning or whatever the appropriate online punishment would be), especially during this World Cup. But I’m not an inadequate father. It is nearly impossible to do both – and I bet there are thousands of dad’s around the country sick to death of seeing cyber-mummies blogging/reviewing/tweeting about being a mummy. It takes a huge effort from both sides to bring up a child. Instead of cyber-maternalism, it would’ve been much better to hear about a load of mum’s travelling to London for a piss up, chatting to real people in a real place and falling over real tables and down real stairs. That I would’ve read…

    Great blog!

    • If there had been photographic evidence of them on a piss-up they would have been outcast from the yummy mummies for no longer being a role-model. Aparantly falling-down drunk, even if your child is being cared for elsewhere, is disallowed. I wonder if the yummies allow their significant others to watch football? Or do they revel in the misery and neglect for it becomes a new topic to broach?

      • Glad the Perfect Mummy Club has a strict set of non-judgmental regulations. If the children are being cared for, I would imagine that to be the perfect opportunity to relax the way you have always done so… I hope I’ve got permission to be writing this… Quick. Log off!

  5. lamourdemere says:

    Cackle ! First of all, on the whole I agree..but I don’t blog to earn money for reviews (to be honest, that’s the first i’ve heard of the notion) or to be respected by the mummy community. My children are my everything but I am bored to death, that’s why I blog. I also need to use my brain, that’s why I blog. And I’m utterly useless at those baby record book things so this serves as my record for them – and that’s what I blog.

    For the record, my husband is not useless – he’s mostly lovely !

    • I’m not lumping all blogs by parents into the same wheelie-bin as I have read some charming accounts of family life. It’s this new breed of uber cyber parent that is pissing me right off, wholesome, twee and faultless and when they all seem to huddle together in one big convention/conference/coven of mumsy blah, I don’t want it to be tweeted and retweeted, then retweeted further with pictures attached.

      I too have a blog (a different one than this)where I record things, as my brain is at best, marshmallowy when it comes to recalling details and sometimes I will spend an afternoon reading through it with tears in my eyes, just as I would look through a photo album. Mine doesn’t contain reviews of nipple balm.

      I have since the following comment from one of the young cyber mummies today…

      “I have so many tabs open & emails to reply to… (Since Cybermummy???*shrugs*)…being a blogger could be a full time job.”

      I feel like telling her to take a deep breath, give her head a wobble, then go and entertain her child instead of inflating her ego online. Harsh maybe? Care I? No

      For the record, I’m sure your husband is lovely? In my rant did I refer to him as otherwise? Do I know who he is?

      • lamourdemere says:

        The thing is Cunty (not a start to a sentence I foresaw typing), I really do agree with you. We are hard enough on ourselves as mothers without the added pressure of constantly hearing about those who manage it all – and I also agree that it’s mostly false. But I find this problem exists outside of the cyber world too – my NCT group are just as guiling in real life with their perfect purees, instant weight loss etc, all managed whilst apparently dealing with all manner of calamities.

        I do massively object to an attack on mommy blogging on the basis of an accidental fatality (not yours, I realise). Poor parenting is too blame, not mommy blogging. In that case, if it hadn’t been blogging, the person concerned would have been reading the latest Heat magazine.

        And no, you didn’t infer my husband was anything but lovely. I was just clarifying that I am not one of those who moans about their unhelpful other half 🙂

      • I agree also with the bad parent resulting in the fatal accident rather than blaming social networking, which seems to receive the blame for EVERYTHING. Cliques are vile and so are these perfect parents, critical of others. I was ridiculed recently at baby group, when I confessed that I didn’t add breast milk to baby rice but opted for formula milk instead, even though I breast feed. And just to clarify it is the specific mummy-blogger/tweeting/conference attending clique I am referring to during my post.

  6. J0Amos says:

    Ahhh how I agree with you, I thought the idea of blogging was for yourself and to share with family & friends not as a big advert for your life. I can’t stand the yummy mummy brigade, do you think they are actually happy little stepford wives? Now not all the twitter mummy bloggers fall into this but I do struggle with following people who all the do is tweet their latest blog post, if I was that interested I’d follow the blog 😉 bring a mum is hard ladies, don’t make it fecking harder on yourselves!

    • I don’t for a second believe they are happy at all. I place bets (against myself) which loved-up mum will be a single parent within the next 2 years, who secretly troughs through the vodka bottles of a night and who just tells constant porkies.

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