I Love Porn (Part 1)

I fucking LOVE porn!

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this a time or two.

My porn preferences are becoming more obscure as time goes on and I’m never quite sure as to why what I view arouses me. Perhaps sometimes I just like stuff because it’s a bit funky or wrong.

University was pretty much the start of it all. I lived with 12 boys and 2 other girls (the stereotypical 90’s ladettes) and porn was talked about constantly, as well as masturbation. But porn in the mid-nineties for us was a “borrowed” video cassette with some hard core (if we were lucky) vanilla sex to some backing music, slightly resembling Phil Collins, but not quite. It was continually on in the background from the moment the first flatmate was awake until the last one went to sleep. We all became immune pretty quickly and used to forget about the looping x-rated action, until we finally realised why visitors acted so strangely.

Magazines were readily available, but were either really tacky things from the newsagents or some 70s publication from the nearby sex shop featuring women with major hair growth on their nether regions to compete with the generous facial hair of the men. I’ve always been really funny about magazines, just the hygiene aspect I suppose and there was no way I was touching them after my male flatmates had been thumbing through them.

I didn’t really bother with pornography again until I hit that approach to dirty-thirty. It’s when I started using the internet properly. I say properly, but I mean more than just shopping at Iceland. I was using social networking, downloading music and finding porn.

I’ve done the equivalent of the walk of shame aka taking your PC to the shop/computer geek to be repaired or rid of the virus. Back in the day of the VCR, I used to be the “go to” girl for removing the chewed tape from the machine with my screwdriver and carefully fixing it. Perhaps I was the only person in my university halls who thought to bring a tool-kit.

So I have used pornography regularly for the past few years. It started again with “follow the porn-star” with a partner to mimic the filth on screen (secretly you are concentrating on hoping there is no cheeky anal chucked in or a golden shower, rather than enjoying the plagiarism.) I really came into my own with my husband. I found a kinky equal, a pervy soul-mate and he has an equal fondness for filthy films.

I use it equally with my husband or alone and the frequency varies. Recently while pregnant, my habit was without fail,  daily. After a few confessions of others, it seems pregnancy and porn/masturbation tend to go hand in hand. Us poor females, not only do we have to endure the various side effects of procreation but when our bodies are at their least flexible and we feel 10 stone heavier, we get the bloody horn!

A  friend recently said

“If my husband finds porn he thinks I might like, he bookmarks it for me.”

My response was that we do exactly the same thing. Modern love? Maybe so.

When I have completely exhausted my porn viewing I send the husband on search of some more. I tend to you a handful of sites and play the keyword game. I hate amateur stuff or plain old hardcore sex and my usual section is BDSM or anything strange. I think the more porn you watch, becoming more immune, you end up trying to find the more weird and the more wonderful. For part two of this post I will walk you all through my usual porn site visit.

My husband is banned from being in control of selecting the porn. He will spend HOURS messing about jumping from site to site then browsing the keywords, then changing his mind. We finally start watching something and make it through the tedious beginning and just as it starts literally getting juicy, he clicks off it in search of something else.

It becomes a quest to find the perfect clip. To see EXACTLY what you want, the ideal people doing the ideal things. When I exhaust a site and look for another, I become giddily overwhelmed with choice and a site in particular had a list of about 300 keywords and I periodically worked my way through the alphabet in sheer delight.

When I am presented with an empty search box to use I turn into a kid in a sweetshop, flummoxed about what to select. Add further pressure of a horny partner in crime awaiting your choice of viewing and I get completely lost in smut.

Why do I like watching porn so much? I guess I’m fairly heady but I assume most people are. If I’m having sex instead of relaxing, my mind races. I’m thinking about what’s happening now and what will happen next. I’m also an extremely visual person. If I have images entertaining me and arousing me, I can relax and enjoy.

A male friend uses the phrase “storing it in the wank-bank” so maybe that’s what I am doing, absorbing all the filthy imagery for future reference or maybe I just enjoy watching others have sex, even if it is rigged and far from real. Even though at times I may get bored, I always find my way back to pornography, for I know, somewhere, out there is the perfect sequence of dirt for my viewing pleasure and I shall not rest until I find it.

Photos taken by moi, one lazy boring Sunday afternoon  in October 2007

About cuntychoppalops

Blunder cunt - An old school definition meaning one who takes a long time to accomplish an objective due to an easily distracted mind.
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3 Responses to I Love Porn (Part 1)

  1. RichardAtUCT says:

    You know, I don’t think I’ve ever actually met a girl that will admit to enjoying porn… Well done!

  2. Ruth says:

    Could the grin on Woody’s face in the last picture be any more perfect?

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