Bad Wife

Mr Chopalops has been off work poorly for the last ten days with labyrinthitis, a virus that affects the inner ear and causes symptoms similar to being drunk.  Attempting to go back to work for an incredibly important meeting, one that he has worked hard for months to attend, he was frustrated when he was told to come straight home (I had driven him to work, got back home, then received the call to go back and collect him.) We both arrived home pretty grouchy.

Through tiredness and disappointment we ended up bickering about nothingness, the trigger being me finding an empty carton of juice in the fridge. Yelled loudly from the kitchen sink, my back turned to him I launched into a rant about how nobody does anything around the house yada yada yada and he ranted back from the hall/kitchen doorway. Hearing him sigh and slump, I continued my barrage of ‘you all take me for granted’ for a few minutes longer before realising he was now silent.

Walking over to the hall, I was surprised to find him lying on his back, flat on the laminate  floor with his eyes closed but a hint of a smirk. Convinced he was fucking around, I kicked his shoe and furiously moaned some more, then went outside for a cigarette.

Seven minutes later (the time it takes me to smoke) I came back inside to find him still lying in the same position.

Turns out he was actually unconscious. It becoming apparent when his eyes started rolling.

Grabbing him in my arms, crying and wailing about how bad a wife I was, he started to come around, his eye lids now flickering and murmured groans from his lips.

I was frantic to call an ambulance, he was panicking in case he had scratched his iPhone4 when he fell.

*** Every response to this post has been a query on the state of his iPhone. I can confirm that it is safe and well, without a scratch. He fell backwards and bumped his head, luckily, his pride and joy was in his front pocket.

About cuntychoppalops

Blunder cunt - An old school definition meaning one who takes a long time to accomplish an objective due to an easily distracted mind.
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5 Responses to Bad Wife

  1. Jezzebela says:

    I understand his concern about his iPhone!

  2. But that was his ONLY concern!

  3. Bigbadandbald says:

    I hope Mr C feels better soon and I can only imagine your shock at finding an empty juice carton in the fridge as my eldest did exactly the same with a milk carton last week.

    Mind you when Mr C was comatose I guess the 7 minutes of bliss was worth it 🙂

  4. mumra says:

    I once made my ex husband eat rotten chicken in a restaurant because i thought he was being picky and didn’t want him to make a fuss.

    He ended up running from the table and throwing up all over the front step…the staff checked the meat the whole tray in the kitchen was rotten.

    Did i feel gulity? Nope, served him right, wanker.

    Glad Mr Cuntys phone was ok.

  5. You are a terrible wife. How do I know this? Because it takes one to know one. If Mr Nudie trips and falls, I laugh. If I trip and fall, he picks me up, dusts me down… get the picture *Shrugs*

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