Lana Del Disappointment

It’s that time of year again when the music snobs/purists burst a few blood vessels and take a few stress related sick days from work as The X Factor carnival rolls in to town. Although I don’t mind a bit of pop now and then, I prefer to keep my music and television viewing separate. Unable to select a radio station that isn’t playing The Wanted or JLS imagine my delight when Daughter 2 (aged 10) and I heard Lana Del Ray – Video Games for the first time as we drove back home one evening a few weeks ago.

Now Daughter 2 is an avid music fan.  Of course she loves songs and artists that I wouldn’t give the time of day to but she also knows the lyrics off by heart to every Jeff Buckley song.  In fact, she knows the lyrics to most songs. Daughter 2 has the ability to hear a song once and remember every line. She can also hear a snippet of song and tell you the title, artist, it’s chart position and a morsel of celebrity gossip associated.  She has a brilliant balance of old and new. Her mostly played tracks on her iPod are an eclectic delight.

But when we heard Lana, we sat in silence, eyes lit with excitement as we absorbed every second.


Hollywood sadcore, the DJ informed us was the genre that Lana thought best described her music. A made-up musical genre but we liked it. Yes, Hollywood sadcore suited the song we had listened to so perfectly.

We chattered about what she looked like. My first vision was  a mixture between Sheryl Crow and Sophie B Hawkins. She must be in her thirties at least with spirals of curls and a skin tone caramel from years of being sunbaked. I wouldn’t have even been surprised if there was a hint of washed out denim. Daughter 2 said she would be a hippy.

‘A hippy?’ I asked.

‘Yes, with long skirts, long hair and walking about in the sunshine with no shoes on.’ replied Daughter 2.

Her voice sort of sounded familiar but I was hooked after the first play. As soon as we arrived home, we were straight on the internet to find the song to play again.

And there she was.

Stunningly beautiful.

Described in an article I read about her as Indie boys’ latest wet dream.

She reminded me of someone else though? A hint of Julia Roberts with some Mena Suvari and Lykke Li thrown in? Bridgette Bardot?

Mr Choppalops arrived home from work and I gushed with love for the song I had heard on the radio and Daughter 2 scrambled to play it for him. He nodded with approval.

More information needed! Name typed into the search bar on wiki and then…

Lizzy Grant.

She’s called Lizzy Grant and been working under that name for a few years. Oh. Lizzy Grant doesn’t sound as exciting as Lana Del Rey.

Article after article outing her as the latest music management manipulation. Pictures of her pre and post make-over with supposed photographic evidence of her collagen lip implants. Old demos with her voice sounding less gravelly than her current tracks. Even tag-lined by her record label as a ‘gangster Nancy Sinatra.’

She has a new face, new hair colour, new style, new name and a new genre created especially for her?

The more you look, read and listen, you can break down the individual ingredients that went into the Lana Del Rey recipe.  Lizzy Grant and her new management stirring the pot, cooking ideas and merging already successful images into one blend, in which I’m sure that Nancy Sinatra – Bang Bang features heavily.

Wiki even suggests that ‘Del Rey edited the video for the song herself, assembled from video clips of skateboarders, cartoons, shots from old movies, and paparazzi footage

 Yes, I’m disappointed. Very disappointed.

But I’m still not tired of Video Games…yet.  Does it matter that she’s as fake as  a phony person? Yes, it kind of does. I looked up the writing credit of Video Games and saw it was co-written by Lana and Justin Parker.  My cynicism assumes that Lana was credited for attending the session. Will I still listen to Lana? Yes, I think I will.

However, now when I hear Fearne Cotton yapping insistence that she heard of Lana first, MONTHS, if not YEARS before everyone else (as her franticly excited tone implies her hand is in her knickers) I’ll think of Lana as a new Cheryl Cole/Steps/Cher Lloyd/Britney Spears and any other artist that’s manufactured. I’ll just credit Lana with a better voice and a better song writing team.

*Apologies but I can’t help thinking that Fearne broadcasts her radio show masturbating continuously at the sound of her own voice.

Lana Del Rey, I’m sure your career will be a huge success. After all, it seems such an effort has already been made to brand you.

About cuntychoppalops

Blunder cunt - An old school definition meaning one who takes a long time to accomplish an objective due to an easily distracted mind.
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5 Responses to Lana Del Disappointment

  1. Katherine says:

    Haven’t you ever heard of creating a “brand”? People don’t wanna go to a show and see normal, everyday Lizzy from down the street sing a song. They want an experience. Of course Lana Del Rey changed up her style! Once you become “famous”, you have a little more money and a bigger reason to start showing people the real you, or at least the “you” you attain to be. If I were suddenly famous, I sure would dress a hell of a lot different and change my hair color. Why don’t I do it now? I’m not famous, I live in a small town and have no reason to be glamorous or create a “brand” or image that makes people remember me. EVERYONE in hollywood gets a makeover honey. Didn’t you realize that before Lana? Thet’re famous for a reason. They stand out from the crowd and make themselves memorable. She may have changed, but she was still quite beautiful before the changes. Why do you think women don’t wear jeans on their wedding day?

    • Oh I totally understand that. Of course everyone gets a makeover hence my Lana disappointment. I’m fed up of the contrived and very much wanted someone real for a change. I thought it was Lana.I was told it was Lana. All her initial press was announcing her as the new indie kid. Pretty much all pop performers are a brand and have been moulded for maximum appeal but I guess I expected something a little freer from her. The one thing I admire about Gaga is, I do believe that even if she wasn’t a performer, she would be trotting about grocery shopping in 4ft platforms with a kettle for a hat. There is a genuine something about her. Maybe it’s just easy to believe that she is a bit bat shit crazy but I do think that no matter her career, she’s be flamboyant, arty etc. Lana is a little more than a change of dress and hair colour. She’s physically changed her features, she’s changed her voice and her name too. Seems a bit like selling your soul to me. Just very very sad that a young, talent and beautiful female feels she has to do this in the first place, no?

  2. Rachel says:

    It actually fills me with a little hope. Shallow? Maybe. The view of many? Very possibly. Does she look amazing? Yes. Is she hurting anyone? No.
    I do totally ‘get’ what you’re saying – it is a little sad to know that she isnt this amazing, organic creation. She is in fact, just some small town ‘normal’ chick, like the rest of us.But then who isnt? Remember Norma Jean before her Marilyn make over? Was she cast a side and cussed cos she ‘branded’ herself? Hell no. She was embraced and loved by millions. You know why? Cos she knew what sold.The only gripe that I have, is that Lana Del Rey is not indie. She is, as you stated, commercial and mainstream. Be loud, be proud, but don’t try and fool the world.

    • How long is it since I wrote the post? A few weeks? I’m STILL listening to Video Games and loving it. I also heard her new release yesterday which again, I love. I’m certainly not denying that Lana is talented. Of course I remember Norma Jean before her make over. I also remember how Marilyn ended. Loneliness, unhappiness and tragedy? Sold her soul? Maybe. She was branded in the late forties? I guess really, that’s the issue I have. it’s nearly 2012. I would prefer talented women to work hard and share their talent, knowing success will come, rather than changing their name, face, voice etc and selling their soul for a chance at glory. It all feels so….um, like we’ve jumped back a few decades?

      I know there are plenty of women that brand themselves and are incredibly successful. (Katie Price/Jordan, Gaga, Madonna, Britney) and it doesn’t matter what genre of entertainment they are in, I’m just disappointed by it all. Will I listen to Lana on the radio and enjoy it? Hell yeah. Will I buy her CDs and go to watch her live? Nah, I’ll pass. I’m not buying in to her.

      My husband, who clearly hadn’t read my blog post, announced to me that he was loving the new Lana Del Rey video and had I seen it. He continued to play a few of her live performances on Jools and erm, I dunno, we basically worked our way through the youtube footage. And you can see/hear clearly, that Lana loses her way. Her accent changes during her live performances, her voice changes. Then you can see an occasional smidgeon of panic. As if she is visualising the mantra. Let go of Lizzy, remember you’re Lana now.

      I’ve read a few articles/interviews with Lana Del Rey of late and while I’m not holding them as her word, put the theme tends to be her unhappiness with how much attention her appearance is getting, how she wishes she would have made more of an effort with her first video knowing the amount of views it would get and the reason why she sings at a lower tone than what is natural to her, is so she is taken seriously. Oh Lana, Honey, it’s too late for all that now. You’ve made your bed….

      PS: After spending some time thinking about more branded women in showbusiness, it’s quite a trend of how badly it turns out. Are these women great at finding a niche? Absolutely. Brilliant business women? Yup. But it’s seeming that a fair few or actually quite vulnerable and seem to be surrounded with unhappiness. Why is this relevant? It just adds to the disappointment. As I mentioned in my post, I discovered Lana with my 10 year old daughter. I so desperately wanted Lana to be different.

  3. E says:

    Lady Gaga did the same thing. Except shes stealing Amy Winehouses steeze. Figures.

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