My first marriage ended and then I had a relationship with ‘Charlie’ until he horrifically devastated me.
Well, it felt horrific at the time.
Then I had relationships with some other people.
Lots of other people.
Then I got married again.
Then ‘Charlie’ came back and moved in.
Then he left again.
Well I kicked him out because he horrifically devastated me again. But only until I remembered that I wasn’t surprised….
And I’m about to start having relationships with some other people again.
It’s all but one big fuck circle.
So I’m a bit alone. I don’t do loneliness very well. I have a few options and I think I’ve finally decided which route to take.
Option 1) Just get on with life, whatever will be, will be.
Option 2) Internet Dating Websites – After two days of ‘fishing’ I’m feeling drowned and half eaten by tiger shark.
Option 3) Continue on the circle. Who comes next?
There is comfort in familiarity. I’m certainly less confident than I was during my last stint of dating (slutting it) and less free. I feel a bit vulnerable of having opened myself wholly to someone recently and been kicked pretty sharpish between the legs. It’s very desperately self indulgent of me to claim to be misunderstood by most but it’s true. The people on my previous travels mostly got where my head was at. Even if sometimes I didn’t. Even if they were a little baffled, there was still safety and security and trust. On reflection, I chose well because the folk involved were respectful and allowed me to be. Let me float in at short notice, take what I needed and then go. No judgement or damage control. Last time I went around my circle was seven years ago. Are the people still even single or interested? Would sex be different with them? I’m different now. More specific. Will they still provide me with an environment whereby I can do what I want?
Next on the circle was someone that made me feel really good about myself. Really good. He got me over ‘Charlie’ last time and he’s just accepted my friends request on Facebook. We lost touch a few years back. Catch up conversation was delightful and flirtatious and he’s single.
We may have unfinished business.