I’m still too hurt and angry to attempt to explain how I feel, without wanting to punch the laptop screen. Why should I explain how I feel anyway? It’s pretty irrelevant.
It’s growing on me now, the idea of impending separation and divorce. Growing as in, getting larger and harder to ignore. Some practical things have been sorted out in my mind and I just need a couple more breaths and a bit of bravery before I put them into practice.
The sadness is tucked away for the moment. I can’t look at him. I can’t talk to him. I just hide away. I didn’t think I could talk to anyone else either but I’ve told a few real world people, that gave me giant bear hugs when they heard, which was nice.
The feeling that I’ve been punched in the stomach hasn’t gone. I’ve never had to deal with unrequited love before and it all seems a bit painful and nauseous with a burning sensation. I’m sleepy and head confused. Feverish. Heartbroken with wafts of rage, resentment and defiance.
Perhaps I’m suffering from some kind of infection rather than marriage break down?